I naturally assumed every choice I made was made with the goal of happiness in mind. Being happy feels good. And I want to feel good all the time, right here, right now. Every day I am being sent messages through advertising, media and even our society telling me to feel happy. I need to invest my energy and resources in external factors such as work, social status, clothing, beverages, and lifestyles. That these are the things that will give me the one-way ticket to happy-ville. Is being in a constant state of happiness the new norm?
I was lucky enough to be born in a family where my basic needs were met, and my life was not in imminent danger. However, I was still seeking happiness in one way or another. For a long time, I thought happiness consists of getting what I want. I saw happiness as a destination to be reached after making some tick-lists: well-paid work, partner, mortgage, kids, the latest hi-tech gadget, or pair of designer sneakers. For me, happiness always followed a meaningful pursuit, which involved dealing with hardship and adversity. If I want something and get it, I felt delighted, and I was not unhappy.
In my pursuit of happiness, I realised that if we do not reach the milestones that we think are bound up with happiness, like success and wealth and marriage, we feel disappointment. We also become distant. Perhaps we begin to condemn ourselves, become disillusioned, and then begin to experience our inner emptiness. Pursuits of happiness that go unsatisfied may fuel an inner critic, which may increase depression and anxiety. Feelings of disappointment may also increase feelings of inadequacy and low mood that are precursors to depression.
This despair is caused due to the instability, as happiness is an emotion not stable once it is achieved. With the vast array of emotions that make up the human experience, a perpetually happy state is unsustainable. Believing we need to acquire possessions, achieve something, or change things the world, ourselves, or other to “attain” happiness is a false belief that actually creating anxiety, fear, worries, distress, and suffering.
When we believe there is nowhere else to go or be but here, nothing in the universe that we need to change the present moment, our minds will stop racing, and calmness will begin to rise naturally, by itself. I think it is more important to be content. Equally important is building the skill to get back to equilibrium when our emotions are triggered.
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